


Feelings

by whiteleander



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Blood, Bucky Barnes Feels, Choking, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Graphic Description, Kidnapping, Loss of Virginity, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Assault, Suicidal Thoughts, Violence, self blaming, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-26 02:32:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7556662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiteleander/pseuds/whiteleander
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reader gets kidnapped by the Winter Soldier, and he rapes her. This is not a dreamy type of fanfic at all. Violence and angst, sexual abuse and non-consensual sexual elements, so if you get offended by such topics you definitely shouldn't read this.</p><p>The idea generally came from working on my other Bucky/Reader fic called <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/7013701/chapters/15970327"><em>Targeted</em></a>. This has nothing to do with that, but I sort of think of it as a fanfic of a fanfic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> I warn you again: this is about non-consensual sex, kidnapping and violence, and every kind of dark shit, with additional Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier angst and feels, so you might need to reconsider before scrolling down and start reading. This is definitely not for a bedtime story.
> 
>  
> 
> I think it's better to clarify that I made Rumlow call Bucky James and Bucky referring to himself as James sometimes, since I always wondered and had this weird headcanon, not yet having read the comics that Natasha calls Bucky James because he was introduced her under that name when he trained her, or HYDRA just usually called him like that sometimes.
> 
>  
> 
> Also, one time a character refers to Reader as "kid" -- I want to make it clear that this isn't because she is underage, I meant it as if she was called dude or something. I didn't determine the Reader's exact age but she's definitely 18+

* * *

 

Big, dilated eyes staring at him as he lifted her out of the boot of the car. She was screaming and fighting when he took her, but it was all useless. No one could stand a chance against a skilled assassin.

 

The Winter Soldier was made for taking certain people out of the equation. It didn't matter if the person was young or old, had a family or not. The Asset — as he often was called in the circles of HYDRA — didn't have emotions. He didn't feel regret for killing many people, even whole families.

 

Terminating the target was the one thing he had talent for, and he did it so beautifully, so smoothly, so fast and matter-of-factly, finishing it in a few hours, that if there had been a prize for the best hitman, The Winter Soldier surely would've won it.

 

The Asset, or as he'd rarely been addressed, _James_ , never questioned the orders he was given, not even for a blink of an eye did he question if he really wanted to continue taking orders and killing people. It was his life, the only thing he was accustomed to, and he just never let his thoughts come in the way.

 

It was like that, until he was sent after this girl for any goddamned reason his handlers never bothered to concern him with.

 

He never knew why those people — his targets — were needed gone, and it never occurred to him to ask why. He did what he had to, efficiently, without leaving a trace, and then he returned to the only home he knew of, and waited for another assignment.

 

But this girl, she must've been some sort of witch, making him _care_ and additionally awakening certain feelings in him, human needs and desires he had never felt before.

 

...or maybe he did, just a very long time ago, from an era he just couldn't even remember?

 

The Asset’s head was becoming a crowded mess, like bees buzzing around in a hive, he felt a headache surging, and he didn't like it. What on Earth could make his, the Winter Soldier’s brain feel like it was about to crumble, like his head had been put into a vise, squeezing every sense out of his fractured mind.

 

There were random pictures, voices in his head, and he didn't want to think about them, he started to feel mad, irate and anxious, and it was because of this girl. She did it to him.

 

It actually started when he tried to handcuff her. She resisted, and even though she was really tiny, she didn't give up. As The Asset was struggling to get a hold of her, their bodies tangled in a weird dance, her female curves brushing against his manhood, and he felt something strange building up in him, even if he was wearing his heavy tactical gear.

 

The girl was wearing short summer jeans and a top that didn't even cover up her cleavage, her eye-appealing female parts almost popping out of the thin material, and she had a sinful scent that made things to The Asset, and there was some weird shit going on in his pants as he was looking at her hardly covered body.

 

And that feeling which he just couldn't name didn't fade half an hour later when he was carrying her inside a deserted warehouse.

 

James took her into the building and put her down on a worn mattress that was thrown on the ground, with the intent of staying as far away from her as possible, trying to shake this madness off. His handlers didn't tell him anything besides taking the girl to the prompted place, then wait for further instructions, and he didn't know what to do with himself or with the girl.

 

The Asset had covered her mouth with duct tape and tied her hands with someone else's necktie (because she dared to punch him when he tried to put the shackles around her wrists, and eventually he lost them, so he had to improvise), her long legs pulled up close to her stomach, her legs spread open it was like an invitation for the Winter Soldier as she was lying on her back, her hands trapped behind her back James knew she must have been very much uncomfortable.

 

But she made him feel things he didn't want to feel, and even if the girl’s arms had gone all limb and would've had to be cut off as blood couldn't circulate in them, he didn't care, because he just shouldn't have come any near her again until the new orders arrived from his boss.

 

But the girl kept her shimmering eyes on him, gawking at him like she was begging him to go and wreck her, and The Asset couldn't help but feel a magnetic pull toward her, his crotch continued to do the weird shit in between his legs.

 

So he found himself putting down some of his weapons and getting rid of the mask and goggles that had been covering his face, he loosened his tight clothing (albeit he didn't take off any, not even his jacket that covered his metal arm) and went to the girl.

 

She was staring at her kidnapper in fear, foreseeing what was about to come. She knew when men were watching her like that, drooling over her body. She never liked attention, but even if she did, no one should've blamed her for dressing how she liked.

 

Now she considered her jeans too short, her top quite inappropriate and there was a shift in her mindset, suddenly blaming herself for getting into all this trouble. This man must've been a rapist with some extreme kinks dressing up like some sort of freaky soldier, and she ought to have been his next target.

 

She knew that she was either about to get sexually assaulted or killed — or both — but she just couldn't process that it was really going to happen. Because she was just an ordinary girl and nothing ever happened to her, why was she lying there, all alone with this man?

 

God save her, and let this be just a nightmare.

 

But it was not a dream. She felt her body flinch, strong nausea blossoming in her belly, her whole body was in shock, not being able to move at all as the unknown man was standing right above her, steel blue eyes scanning her with a serious look on his handsome face.

 

Because the man was handsome, indeed. The girl didn't know if she should've felt “relieved” that it was not an ugly moron at least, or she should've just hated him more? How much of a cliché that was, too beautiful men always having some dark shit, some kind of flaw in their personality?

 

He was tall, towering over her like a skyscraper. She noticed that when he tried to handcuff her, standing face to face as she was struggling to escape from him, she got to know that her attacker was tall, well-built and strong. He had been wearing a strange mask that covered his face from chin up to his nose and goggles hiding his eyes, all in all making him look much more intimidating and she wondered how she didn't actually piss herself when she first saw him.

 

She’d actually thought he was just a robot or something.

 

But now? She could see his face, and he rather looked like a human — she didn't know if robots could have a stubble or not, but still, his face was just too emotionless, and that's why she had considered him some sort of AI with a synthetic body.

 

Maybe she was just part of an experiment? She was the prey, and this freaky assailant was some kind of super soldier, assigned to kill her?

 

She didn't know. She didn't know it either why he had taken her, and as the man finished staring at her and knelt down, resting at the end of the mattres where she was lying with her legs spread he was almost kneeling by her ass, and when he touched one of her legs, feeling his hand on her (he was wearing gloves) she became so sick she almost threw up.

 

Too bad her mouth was covered, she couldn't even vomit if she needed to, or she could've, but then she would've just drowned in her own piss.

 

The Winter Soldier knew she was scared and disgusted. Of course she was, when she was kept prisoner by a stranger who was touching her in inappropriate ways.

 

The Asset didn't know if she found him attractive or not. He barely saw himself, especially not in the mirror, only blurred reflections on windows or on glassy surfaces. He didn't know the colour of his own eyes, only the shade of his hair and skin. And about his body? He was in good form, he had to be according to his job, body trained for combat, he was muscular, because he had to be. He never ever thought about things like if he was attractive or not, but even if he would've been, she still couldn't have liked him for he was basically sent to kill her.

 

His orders had been: terminate on sight, but then Brock Rumlow, leader of STRIKE came to him, saying that there had been a change of plans, and he ordered The Asset to only take the girl into a secret place, and then wait there for him to arrive.

 

James didn't know how much time left until Rumlow and his team would get there, so he had to act fast if he really decided to go along and have sex with the girl. He knew that what he was about to do was certainly bad, especially for an assassin, and if there had been a law or etiquette for assassins and how to deal with targets, he would've just broken all existing rules even thinking about laying a hand on the subject of his mission.

 

If Rumlow found him taking advantage of the target, he surely would tell everyone in HYDRA about it, and that'd be a mess. Maybe he'd even get killed, or…

 

There was something, a faltered memory lingering in the back of his mind.

 

A chair.

 

Electricity.

 

Pain.

 

Forget.

 

The assassin's hand stopped in mid-air, and his facial expressions made the girl actually gasp. (Gasping she had been, if her mouth wouldn't have been covered.)

 

The girl didn't know what to think, the man really looked distressed just once, almost _terrified_ , she'd say, and she just couldn't understand what his reasons were to feel that way. He surely didn't just realise that what he was doing was bad and felt instant remorse.

 

Because then he'd have to apologise and let her go, and that could never happen since this was not a dream.

 

No, this was a nightmare, living hell.

 

The Asset felt conflicted, mind just gone wild he couldn't tame his own thoughts. It was like somebody was screaming in his mind, a person that was curiously _familiar_ , yet so distant, he just didn't know what to do.

 

Laying a hand on his target he'd sure get punished, either way it was just wrong, and he almost gave up on it, but now he had another reason to follow his desires: he'd rather make a shit-ass huge mistake than having to think those hurtful thoughts that just made him paralysed.

 

He, a dreadful assassin felt actually _horrified_ he didn't even know what reason for.

 

So the Winter Soldier shook the feeling off and put his hand back on her, trailing his palm up on her pretty legs, and when he actually reached the area where her leg met her core, he put his palm in between her legs, rubbing it a little.

 

She resisted of course. Shifting around frantically, trying to kick the assassin and made him go away, the Winter Soldier actually regretted not tying her legs. Although a proper bed would've been nicer to that, he could've just tied her legs to the side, making her spread them for him, and everything would've just been so much easier.

 

Now he had to hold her down with his left arm, and never really considering how strong his metal arm felt against weak humans he surely hurt her because she was weeping, her screams drowned by the duct tape and she let out a few tears.

 

“Enough!” He said, voice cold and coarse, it must've surprised her because she just froze completely, gawking at him like he had been a ghost.

 

Which he was, indeed.

 

Staring into one another's eyes, it was like a power play, but even if the girl had strong will, she knew that he had full authority over her.

 

The Asset hadn't actually made a plan of how he wanted to approach her. He'd just begun touching her, trying to find out what he really wanted from the girl, when she started shifting and almost pushed him away, kicking so frantically, but she stopped after he yelled, and then everything was just calm as they kept looking at each other, and suddenly the Winter Soldier noticed how her breasts popped out of her top, her lace bra looking so fucking pretty he couldn't stop staring, he had to touch it.

 

“Sit up.” James ordered in a low tone. The girl didn't obey, she still tried to convince herself that it was only just a dream.

 

But then The Asset grabbed her quite violently and made her sit up, and he was in between her legs and their faces so close she could feel his breath on herself.

 

James couldn't take his eyes off of her, she was just so gorgeous, like an angel…

 

And he, the Winter Soldier must have been the devil for sure, she was the pig and he was the wolf, he was the knife and she was the dartboard.

 

The Asset needed to _feel_ her, needed his flesh touching hers, so he removed the glove from his right hand, his palm actually itching in anticipation. How long since he felt human contact that wasn’t just for ending someone’s life?

 

James just put his hand on her breast without hesitation, taking what he wanted, shyly squeezing it first, caressing its shape. Her cleavage was warm and silky, and The Asset wanted more. He pushed her bra up (her top had been tossed down to her waist), cupping her breast and feeling its weight. It just fitted into his palm, and he couldn't stop touching it, he was hooked on how feeling her felt like.

 

The girl was immobile, crying all along she just took it, giving in to what was happening and feeling all powerless, and knowing that there was no escape she just embraced the situation.

 

After the Winter Soldier had satisfied his curiosity and played with both breasts he felt the urge for removing her clothes. He wanted to see her naked, tied up and all submissive under him.

 

The Asset had always been a puppet, following orders and living for either praise or punishment, now he wanted to be the one in charge, he wanted to be giving orders, and he wanted her to comply.

 

“I need to take off your top. I'm gonna untie your hands, don't resist or try to run away.” The girl was gazing at the distance, mind drifted off, and James felt a little upset for she hadn't been paying attention, so he grabbed her chin, forcing her to look up at him. “Understood?”

 

With the inability of speaking, she just nodded, still sobbing silently, eyes closing in resignation. Her makeup all ruined, James strangely found her ruined mascara beautiful. It almost looked like his black camouflage war paint.

 

Having her hands freed, a sudden pain struck in the girl's wrists as blood started to circulate in her arms again. The stabbing feeling a bit much, like a hundred bees stinging into her skin, especially as the man pulled her top off of her, forcing her to put her arms in the air. Then her bra followed, and suddenly she was half naked, all vulnerable.

 

“I'm gonna remove the duct tape ‘cause I don't want you to accidentally die from being short on breath. You start shouting and I gag you, okay?” She nooded — it was like the only thing she was still capable of, nodding like a brainless pet.

 

Sharp ache shot in her as he rapidly tore the duct tape off of her mouth, and despite giving her word, she still shrieked out loud because of the pain.

 

Waiting for the man to get angry with her because she broke her promise in a matter of a second she was afraid to look at him, and when she did she was shocked to see that he wasn't getting mad at her, he was just too busy staring at her topless body.

 

“I let you talk because I want you to enjoy this.” He explained, making her eyes shot up.

 

Was he serious? How could she enjoy being raped?! The man was not real, not much sane first of all. But then his palm was on her again, skin brushing against skin and her breath caught a little, which made her feel stupid.

 

“Tell me if you like it.”

 

After her hands had been freed and she could lay them next to her body as he pushed her down and made her lie on her back in between his legs as he knelt on top of her, bearing his curious hand caressing and massaging her body didn't seem so awful suddenly. Her inner guard was ringing the bells to trying to forbid her to go to dangerous territories, but actually lost somewhere between sanity and insanity, stuck between reality and surreality, she found herself saying:

 

“If I consent, will you let me go?”

 

“No.”

 

And he took her arms, tied her wrists again and put them above her head, forcing her to let her arms lie straight on the ground, her head trapped in between.

 

The liar that said he wanted her to enjoy this. She was such an idiot for really starting to believe that, maybe it must've been his eyes that captivated and enchanted her, eventually making her go crazy.

 

“Arch your back.”

 

His low-toned and raspy demanding actually made something to her. Even if she didn't like it, even if he was a rapist, there was something with his voice, sounding like honey juiced with caramel, and hearing it just pleased her ears, eardrums happily resonating to the nice and good-ringing sound.

 

So she arched her back, thus giving James the ability to lean down and taste her nipples, sucking on them gently and using his teeth carefully. Pain mingled with pleasure, she couldn't help but quiver as chilly sensations rushed along her spine.

 

His stubble against her heated skin felt indeed glorious, even if she hated herself for thinking that. Sweet, forbidden pleasure started blooming in her core, blood spreading euphoria along her lower abdomen, travelling through her veins she realised she was getting aroused, and closed her eyes to just feel the guilty pleasure and to pray to God to forgive her.

 

The Asset was keen on dedicating his time to those magnificent female breasts, he could've licked them for eternity, but his right hand stopped massaging her one nipple while he was sucking on the other, and glided his fingers down her belly, to her belt. He was a little impatient fooling around the buckle, and he couldn't undo it, so he stopped kissing her breast and sat up to see what he was facing.

 

It was much easier to undo her belt and take off her short jeans if he actually saw what his hands were doing, and weren't distracted by all his attention devoted to her body. But looking at her, all naked despite her panties, The Asset’s mouth went dry, longing kicking in his brain as he felt an uncountable amount of lust.

 

He was tempted to suck on her nipples again, but knowing they he'd just got stuck on them, he just cupped them for a brief time, yet it sent vibrations through her body, and he went for her lower abdomen, his hungry lips set off on a delicious route to kiss his way lower and lower on her belly.

 

James wanted to touch her in so many different ways, but his desires had overwritten them all and he just kept kissing her, pulling her panties down with one finger.

 

The Winter Soldier must've been hallucinating ‘cause he heard a little, hardly audible moan coming from her throat, and it was like she actually liked how he went down on her.

 

Her first orgasm about to destroy her broken body, the girl hardly could keep herself from moaning out loud as his mouth was on her clit, his perfect lips sucking on it, his right hand caressing her thigh.

 

James wanted to touch her with both of his hands, but if the girl had seen his prosthetic limb that was entirely made of metal, she surely would've just passed out, and he definitely didn't want to ruin the mood when both of them seemed to have so much fun.

 

So the Winter Soldier had to be satisfied with his right arm on the girl only, and he kept leaning on his left arm, putting his weight on it.

 

James indeed lost his patience, he wanted her, he wanted her right then and he didn't want to wait any longer. He pulled away and unzipped his fly, taking his hard penis out.

 

The girl didn't catch the zipping sound because she was too into the sweet feeling happening around her core and lower abdomen, it was like a dream, she felt rather incredible, but then reality struck her, as suddenly there was a sharp and insufferable pain as the Winter Soldier was shoving his member up her unprepared ass.

 

All pleasure forgotten, she just cried out: “Why are you doing this?! I don't wanna die like this.” Because she just knew he was going to kill her after he'd finished with her. Dying didn't scare her, but in fact, dying such a death, and her body having been used and taken advantage of seemed like one of the most horrible deaths.

 

Her heartbreaking sobbing didn't make The Asset feel guilty, he must've been a sick bastard for actually _enjoying_ her cries, her hole even tighter around his shaft as she was resisting, and she was so tiny he couldn't even put his whole length in first, only his head sank in and she cried out, screaming like she was about to die.

 

Turned out, The Asset must've gone for the wrong hole, because she shrieked in pain, wiggling her ass and trying to make him stop the penetration, but sickly, it was only music to the Winter Soldier’s ears.

 

But in fact, he didn't really enjoy being in her ass as later he realised, so he pulled his dick out and instinctively went for her cunt. It was also tight but much more appealing, and oh yes, it certainly felt better as he used his fingers to spread her lips aside, so he could be sure he was doing it right then, and finding her vagina.

 

Trying himself, James kept pushing in and out of her, sinking deeper inch by inch with each thrust and stretching her insides because he really wanted her to be able to take in his whole length (well, he seemingly was too big, and the girl too little), enjoying all small sensations that sent his dick into explosion.

 

Tight and warm cunt surrounding his thick and veiny penis, The Asset’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as waves pleasure was rushing through him, they started from his throbbing cock.

 

He put his hands around her neck as he lost his head a little, so keen to feeling all _loose_ and _comfortable_ , he started squishing her windpipe and choking her, her beautiful face getting redder by the second he didn't stop for a moment and kept thrusting, his dick going in and out, her walls closing around his penis as he went in deeper and deeper.

 

“You like this.” The Asset found himself saying, voice a little shaky and even more raspy, making the girl stare at him in fear, a few more tears gliding down on her cheeks as her lungs were short on fresh air.

 

She wasn't fighting him anymore, in fact, The Asset wouldn't even have had to hold her down, her legs spread wide open, her still tied arms above her head she was just lying there like a good girl.

 

 _Doll_ , the Winter Soldier almost called her, but he had no idea where that pet name had come from and it confused him very much, so he didn't say it after all, he only made a short comment: “You're getting...wet…”

 

“Because you're accidentally hitting my G-spot, you moron…” She retorted, voice coarse and wavering because of crying, yet she was fierce and it made The Asset grin. He liked how tough she was despite being so small. “I don't enjoy this…”

 

“What if I kissed you?”

 

Her mouth went all agape hearing the twisted idea, and James couldn't help but have daydreams about putting his dick in there. Thinking about that made his penis let out precum — his cock was out of the girl at that moment, the sticky liquid getting onto her clit and lower abdomen — James couldn't help but become astonished and a little _embarrassed_.

 

“Is this all?” The Asset didn't actually realise he was saying that out loud, only the girl's sarcastic mocking made him do so.

 

“Have you actually had sex before? It's just precum. Don't tell me you're a fucking virgin…”

 

The Winter Soldier couldn't decide if it was despise shimmering in the girl's eyes, or rather it was hysteria (James didn't know but she was a virgin herself, and being raped by an inexperienced faggot surely made her go out of her mind, since it was just way too ridiculous…) but he realised he felt his pride _hurt_.

 

“I either kiss you or cover your mouth with the duct tape again…” He threatened on his low and husky voice, sounding quite menacing.

 

There was a third option as well, actually The Asset wished to stuff her mouth with his dick but he felt so intimidated after that leaking incident that he just didn't feel enough courage to do so.

 

“I think you know what I choose,” the girl gave her sassy reply, closing her eyes eventually, waiting for the inevitable.

 

Also, why was she submissive again, why didn't she just take the duct tape? Was she out of her mind?

 

James actually regretted saying he'd kiss her because she was willingly taking him without any resistance, her cunt getting accommodated to his lengthy penis before he accidentally pulled out while choking her, and the Winter Soldier didn't quite know how to actually do the kissing. To be honest, he was surprised he knew the word…

 

The girl seemed anxious — if she could’ve actually been more anxious next to being sexually harassed — and The Asset didn't want her to mock him once more, so he leaned down, his cock pressing against her belly, until he reached her mouth.

 

The Winter Soldier’s breath caught up in his lungs, heart hammering so hard and so loud he was sure the girl heard it, then he just closed his eyes and smashed his lips against hers.

 

She didn't return the kiss. How could she make any move when her rapist was kissing her so innocently like it had been his first kiss, and that eventually made her all flustered and she found herself — God forgave her damned soul — liking it.

 

As he got more and more confident, and the moment sucked him in, The Asset was eager to force her lips open and put his intrigued tongue into her mouth, discovering it lazily and sucking on her tasty tongue and lips.

 

Then, just when she was about to let her soul be cursed and kiss back, James unsealed their lips, but didn't lean back just then, he kept his head close to hers, only watching her pretty face attentively as she was staring at him all confused with her big eyes wide open, her pupils dilated, and she was blushing.

 

The Winter Soldier pulled away later, returning to his previous place at the bottom of the girl, and when he was about to get a hold of his still hard dick and put it back into her, he noticed that something was leaking out of her pinky folds.

 

It was reddish, it certainly was blood.

 

The assassin didn't know what to do with the situation, he just decided to ignore it and inserted his slick penis into her aching cunt again. His length sunk in much easier this time, the unusual wetness surprised James because he could swear it wasn't like that the first time around…

 

Eventually finding his playful side, the Winter Soldier pushed her legs aside (she pulled her knees up on instinct) spreading her more open so he could have better access on her, his thrusts became more steady as fucking her was much easier now, and oh yes, much more of a pleasure, the sound of flesh hitting flesh echoing in the room.

 

James pressed his right palm against her lower abdomen, he could feel his dick moving inside the girl and it made him wonder, finding it so interesting he was so curious how the whole thing felt for her. But thinking back to how she was bleeding, it certainly was painful for her, and suddenly James started to feel something which he couldn't describe but it surely wasn't happiness or pleasure from having sex.

 

And about the girl?

 

He was right, she did enjoy it after all, and she couldn't have been more ashamed of herself for that.

 

She didn't want to acknowledge it, but he was handsome indeed after he had removed that weird mask, too bad he was a psychopath, with his steel blue eyes and long, brunette locks and gorgeous wide lips that felt so divine on hers she couldn't help but find him hot, and she eventually got turned on. She knew she was wet despite the bleeding, and as she got quite horny, his extremely large dick felt much better inside her, even pleasuring her.

 

The girl's mind was still resisting, she felt so disgusted with herself for getting into a situation like this, she knew it was her fault, she must've done something terrible to deserve this.

 

But her body betrayed her, and when she accidentally let out a small sigh after he hit her sweetest spot, she noticed how his eyes shone up and there was an almost smile in the corner of his beautiful mouth, and she knew she fucked it up, moaning like a slutty whore.

 

She should've fought against him, even if he still raped her, she should've made it harder for him, yet she didn't even resist anymore, what's worse, she even offered her consent in the naive belief of being able to escape and get out of the situation alive.

 

The girl hated herself, she didn't want to survive anymore, because she just couldn't live like that any longer.

 

But there she was, her breathing speeding up, her nipples poking out in the chilly air as he trailed his right hand up on her belly and torso, caressing her breasts, his thumb playing with her nipples she had goosebumps as she reached her climax, her used-up body trembling as she came, right before The Asset released his thick fluid into her clenching pussy, his body also shaking because he hadn't experienced orgasm for a long, long time.

 

He didn't even know the name, only that it felt _amazing_.

 

The Asset couldn't tell how much time had passed since he had finished with her, she was sobbing silently in a corner, having her clothes on her again, but she looked messy, like someone who'd just been raped.

 

James couldn't believe it, but he started to notice a weird feeling inside his chest, growing and growing, it was sheer disgust, despising his own self for what he had done.

 

It was _remorse_ , pure, unmistakable _conscience_ tearing into him, and he hadn't felt it for decades.

 

He wanted to say something to her, but it was useless and nothing could make the situation better. He took her against her will, and not talking about how he kidnapped her, he forced himself on her and took advantage of his target — something he'd never thought of before, not alone did it.

 

Then The Asset heard light but firm footsteps approaching and he knew Rumlow had arrived.

 

It was a random decision, he never ever made decisions on his own before that day, especially not about his targets, but he didn't know what HYDRA wanted with this girl, but one thing he knew for sure: he didn't want them to have her.

 

Because she was his mistake, she was his responsibility now, and James just couldn't let her die. He maybe couldn't make up for what he'd done to her, but he solemnly swore to keep her safe from that moment on.

 

And have the day ever arrive when he has to face what he's done throughout the years, and he'd be convicted, then be it, but he sure as hell will save her now, even if that would mean his end later.

 

The Winter Soldier had lived long enough, and it was strange for him to realise that in fact, he kind of awaited death.

  


By the time STRIKE infiltrated the place, the girl was already gone, hidden somewhere safe and trying to hold her breath while witnessing all those unfamiliar people coming in and surrounding The Asset, like he had been a dangerous animal that got loose.

 

And it was rather weird because it almost looked like they actually feared him, and it didn't look like they were on the same team at all.

 

“Mission report.” Rumlow demanded, actually making The Asset feel rather _annoyed_. He realised he _hated_ that guy. Very much. So the Winter Soldier didn't respond, which only resulted in a punch blown across his face, and it felt _painful_. “Where's the girl?”

 

James spit out the blood, trying to hold back his temper — suddenly his emotions were out of control, he felt _alive_ , he felt like human —, his voice all raspy as he finally responded:

 

“Mission compromised. Target was resisting, I couldn't take her alive—”

 

Another slap, but it was aimed at his nose this time, James could hear and feel how it broke, blood dripping down his chin. He couldn't see, but it made the girl gasp a few meters away, covering her mouth and eyes so she didn't have to see and could suppress a scream.

 

“What do you mean you couldn't take her alive?? A weak kid, she wasn't even trained…”

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

Another hit, this time on his head. Memories flushed The Asset’s brain again, he hardly could stay in the present, sharp noise rumbling in his ears.

 

“You're sorry?!” Rumlow aimed at his ribs the next time, making the Winter Soldier stooping. “Do you hear this, guys, The Asset is sorry he fucked up his mission.”

 

Everyone was laughing. Everyone except the girl who was hidden away, unnoticed by the men clearly mocking this weird assassin. He got beaten once and twice, and who knew how many more times because she lost counting and couldn't keep looking at the scene, even if he had raped her she felt sorry for him, albeit it was madness.

 

She didn't know who he was, she thought he was just a bloody rapist and a serial killer, but looked like he had been as much of a hostage as herself. If he really had been forced to work as an assassin, she could quite understand his behaviour, but she didn't want to excuse him. Defending him almost sounded like her getting Stockholm syndrome already.

 

“So I ask, once again, you piece of shit. How comes the target isn't here?!”

 

The Asset was expected to reply that question, even if his jaw had been broken, his whole face in torture.

 

But he _wanted_ to grab Rumlow by the neck, sinking his knife into his liver, twisting it around and hear him scream, then snap his arrogant and broad neck.

 

“She went hysterical. It was either me or her. I had to take her out.”

 

The Winter Soldier expected another blow from Rumlow when he raised his arm, but he then put it around James, hugging him close like they were friends, making The Asset very much _confused_.

 

“Take it easy, James. It's okay. She ought to have been killed anyway, we just wanted to have a little fun with her before that was supposed to happen. Now come, we're going home.” He was pulling him, making him follow his steps. The girl felt relieved that they'd really leave and she could be left alone to deal with what had just happened, but then Rumlow took out the assassin's knife and shoved it in between his ribs, making James groan.

 

“You think I don't realise when you're thinking of attacking me, huh?” Rumlow hugged The Asset close, way closer than a straight man should've held another man close, it made the girl feel nauseous but she couldn't look away, she had been paralysed by the terror that the man who seemed clearly worse than the other who took her virginity knew about her actual whereabouts too and come for her.

 

Bearing how the assassin raped her was quite tolerable (in fact, he even made her come which she just never expected on her first time) but thrown to all those men and getting raped all over again she just couldn't have taken it.

 

But Rumlow didn't go to her, even hours later when she was still hiding in there, too afraid to come out, and he didn't even look in her direction once. He was too occupied with handling The Asset.

 

“We're going home and gonna put your brain back into that blender. I can't wait to hear you scream again, James.”

 

The girl didn't know what to think and how to feel anymore. This assassin, this James still raped her, but in fact by doing so, he unknowingly saved her from those morons… She was supposed to die but she was still living, even if a part of her had been ripped away from her, and she didn't know what to make of it, of this new life she'd been given by the assassin.

 

The girl was confused and knackered, still couldn't move and didn't dare coming out and leaving on the safe route the assassin had prompted her to follow. The men eventually left the room, leaving her all by herself, but before James stepped out of the door, he looked back above his shoulder, right in her direction. The girl saw how beaten up he was, his handsome face decorated with bruises, eyelids and lips swollen, and she just didn't understand why he let those men do that to him.

 

The Asset surely had the strength to take out all of them, yet he gave in, like she gave in to him when he raped her, and realising the same resigned attitude she felt rather controversial about it.

 

So the girl just sat in there, day came after night, until she heard sirens, saw flashing red and blue, and soon she was found by the police. The girl didn't know that The Asset had notified them and told them about her exact location (He eventually disobeyed, took out all STRIKE members and managed to escape and be free for a time before he was captured and his mind had been wiped for who knew how many times.), the phone operator lady on the other side of the call actually wondering how the unidentified man could tell the exact place in longitude and latitude, and to be fair, she doubted if he really was serious.

 

Everyone thought it ought to have been a prank, they even made bets at the police station, and when they found the girl indeed at the exact place she had been described to be, everyone of them clammed up, not believing that the whole thing was for real.

 

The girl let herself be taken to a hospital, she couldn't speak and couldn't stop crying even days later when an unknown package arrived in her mail with a fake ID and a whole new identity, and an intimidating amount of cash.

 

And the girl who didn't want to live anymore, but was just too coward to put an end to her own life took the chance, changed her hairstyle and hair colour, moved to a different city and lived on.

**Author's Note:**

> I was going for full dark WS-Bucky in here, being all menacing and cruel, more of a psychopath taking advantage of reader, nothing too cheesy, but honestly I could never picture Bucky doing anything like this for real (haha, “for real” — talking about a fictional character lmao), not even the Winter Soldier. I mean, for me the Winter Soldier is just a weapon, and in that mindset it'd just never occur to him to even think about such a thing as raping his victim, so while writing, I eventually changed the plot and made Bucky less evil, if I can say so, and this is the result.
> 
> I'm not sure if I like this or just wanna delete it.


End file.
